Yes, I'm amazingly late, but I took a short break from proofreading
Anyways:

First Page:

Ikuto: Is it really okay? We're 4 against 1 here.
I would change it to "Is it really okay? It's 4 (people) against 1 (person)."

Kunai: I am a ninja after all
I would change the order to "After all, I am a ninja."

Second Page:

Box: In the afternoon PE classes were started.
I would use "PE class began in the afternoon"

Box: This is the continuation from last story"
I would use "Continuing from last time" or "Following last time's story/ last time"

Girl: Aki is out, Ran's team is the winner.
I would change it to "Aki is out. Winner: Ran's team." or "Winner is Ran's team"

Chikage: No you can't Suzu-chan, after all, you're really late compared to the others.
[/i]I would use "Sorry Suzu-chan, (after all), you're too far behind everyone else.

Chikage: There's no need for Suzu-chan to go to PE anymore.
Change "to go to" to "to attend"

Third page:

Kunai: Here!
Well it's a bit of a stretch, but I would replace it with "Try this" or "Catch". It's a bit of a stretch

Rin: The real one is in the middle!
I would use "The real ball is the one in the middle" or "The real one is the middle ball"

RIn: What?! They were all fake?
Minor, but I would use "What?!, The balls were fake?"

Rin: Tsk, so the real one's there.
I would use "Tsk, so there she/it was" or "Tsk, there's the real one"

Fourth page:

Ikuto: I can't believe it, she's doing a bunshin no jutsu and it moves differently.
[i] I would use "I can't believe it, she's using a bunshin (no) jutsu/cloning technique and they each move differently!"

Kunai: Even if you say it, I said I'm a ninja.
I would go for "Even if you say that, I did say I was a ninja."

Ayane: Kunai-san is actually one person so we'll win if you hit one of her bunshin"
I would use "Kunai-san's clones are the same person so we'll win if you hit one of them."

Ikuto: I'll expose her trick after we win this game!
If I'm not wrong, "Then with this, I'll expose her trick" would work better. That's just me though

Fifth/Final page:

Mikoto: Well, well, you really did aim at her, didn't you?
I would use "Well, you did aim at her, didn't you/right?"

Ikuto: I get it! Kunai-san has four twin sisters! That explains this! Yes, I knew it!
I would use "I get it now! Kunai-san is a quadruplet! That makes sense!"

Mikoto: We are four sisters, Kunai-nee san is not a twin or quadruplet.
If I remember right, there are only 3 sisters. So, I think it should be "We aren't/are not four sisters; Kunai nee-san is not a twin or quadruplet"

Well, that was all I found. Hope everything works out

Oh, and I don't know if this helps at all, but I worked with Treece in these forums before during my tenure with Foolrulez (at least, I think he's here). Also, I proofed Hayate no Gotoku/Hayate the Combat Butler from chapters 105-122 (I was left out in 123-124 ) and 125-132 if I remember correctly. I was Taporin12

Well, if it helps.

The one problem that I noticed is that you looked to deep into the test. It was just a simple grammar test. Rewording sentences is what we expect but you also need to reword them so that the sentences are still short.

Here is another test do this one well and your in

Spoiler:

156 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- chapter 52 Follow them s: (uu....) (these looks so yummy....) s: (but rice cakes in a place like this..... this is a trap...) (this must be a trap....) s: (......) s: (but a litle bit maybe just okay....) 157 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- a: (you stupid!!) t: (pu!!) s: (UNYAN!!) a: (why do you take it when you know it s a trap!!) s: (but but, it looks so delicious) a: (n? that, that rice cakes, you cant be...) s: (yeah, of course this is from those ones) t: (pu!?) a: (WHA!?) 158 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- chapter 52 Follow them 159 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- shizu: (Shino, did you see that!?) shino: (yup, Suzu-ppe and Ayane fell into the trap-hole!!) shizu: (I dont know who set this but it s our chance) shino: (yes, sorry, but Suzu and Ayane are ours) shizu: (huh?) a: (what the, you two set this trap!?) (let me out of here now!!) t: (puu) shino: (it s only Ayane!!) shino: (then where s Suzu...!?) s: (chomp chomp) 160 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- s: (I got you Shizu-chan (h) [you re not my target though]) (snap) shizu: (AAAH!!) shino: (this s no good, retreat!!) s: (aah, Shino-chan got away) a: (cmon Suzu!! quick, get me out of here!! she s my target you know!!) s: (oh really) s: (ok then....) a: (he...) s: (go away!!) a: (UHIIII!?) t: (puu(h)) shino: (WHA!?) 161 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- shino: (GHUWAA!!) me: (erm... when did you set that trap...?) c: (that one I set just for time like this, trap B grade no. 28) t: (28? there re still a lot of them also other than this one...?) c: (but, this sure made things more dificult) y: (yeah, of all things, it s those two, they d be dificult to beat) t: (pu) s: [got you] me: (eh?) to: [hard to beat? those two always dont get along together] s: (yes, they have a completely exact opposite character) s: (but the opposite things are not only their characters, but also their good point and weakness) y: (that d mean when they form a partnership they will cover each weaknesses) me: (I-I see) 162 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- y: (it d be an easy win using that rice-cakes trap if we use it only for Suzu-nee, but together with Ayane, they wont fall for it) c: (what should we do, Yukino-chan and Mei-mei's are that two and Suzu's ribbon. and, Ohana-san's item is my target) t: [umu, we have to face them no matter what] c: (we have no choice, lets follow them while thinking our next plan) me: (yes) y: (yeah) to: [Is something wrong Mei-mei?] me: (I sense two people and one animal from that bushes around there!) t: [what!?] to: (Youjutsu!! Kapparai!!) 163 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- c: (looks like someone also followed us around...) y: (cool, you re awesome Tohno-san(h)) kuma-kuma: (guru(h)) t: [damn, they ve escaped, they sure are fast...] to: [but next time they came near, Mei-mei will know it, that time I ll shot them down] me: (yes) c: (ufufu, what a reliable comrades we had, I m not wrong to get you both in) shi: (wha wha...!? | who are that girl and that kappa...!?) r: (aaa | so you still havent known them, both of them came from the outside just like hubby | and...) shi: (really!? each of them beat the North Master and East master!?) r: (yup, not only that, Tohno-cchi also said to be able to put up a good fight with Anego) 164 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- r: (so they re their bodyguard... I thought it wont be any problem with only Kuma-kuma... | Chikage surely doesnt mmiss a trick) shi: (my speed ability range is about 3 metres... they ll find us before we get them) r: (but we wont win this if we dont get Meme-chi's and Yukino's item) shi: (relax, we still have enough time anyway) shi: (no matter how strong they are, there be a time when they lose their guard | we ll wait until that time arrives) r: (oo, nice | looks like you could still say things in the ninja way sometimes) shi: (sometimes? that s cruel.. | and I said that I was a ninja) a: (why you... how dare you throw me away like some garbages!!) s: (you r persistent, I told you we ve succeed in getting Shino-chan's item so it s alright anyway) 165 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- s: (lets put that one aside) a: (dont put it aside!!) t: (pu) s: (lets put the most tough opponent, Machi-nee, as our latest target, next target is either Rin-chan or Shinobu-chan) s: (and so, who should we find first? Rin-chan or Shinobu-chan?) a: (grrr, so you want to keep pretend as if you r innocent no matter what eh...) a: (that s okay then... and for Rin, I already sent Den-den radish to search for her) [I ll remmember this one, just watch you later] (lets check it whether he found her or not) s: (eh? check it? how?) a: (fufufu, for us a shikigami user | we can see the view of what our shikigami is seeing) s: (wwoow, that s awesome!!) a: (actually I stole this "Easiest way to use your shikigami" from Onee-sama's room lately) (at last the time has comes for me to use it) 166 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- a: (I m a little nervous...) (here I come!!) a: (first, grab your face as hard as you could...) a: (goes around three times and say "woof!") (WOOF!!) a: (and then put the card on your forehead and recite "long distance viewing") a: (ooo! this s amazing, I really can view it) s: (and what do you see?) 167　---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- a: (! Shinobu is with her!!) s: (really!? we re lucky, they re both our targets(h)) a: (what the heck you r talking, that uber-strong girl coupled with the super-fast one, we re unlucky) s: (ah, you r right) s: (but no problem, both of them will get to sleep at night, that time we ll get them) a: (well, yeah although Shinobu is a ninja she wont wake up easily once she s asleep) (then lets search for them with the guidance of my shikigami) s: (eh... you ll do that weird things again?) t: (pu) a: (how rude! the rituals written in this book really are the holy ones!) a: (first imitate ten different animal's voices) 168 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- a: (then do a back flip five times...!) a: (and land with your head first!!) s: (unyaa!?) a: (lastly, put the card on your forehead and recite "wakemi") (tl note: wakemi is a skill to create a new shikigami as a part of the main shikigami) a: (come forth!!) s: (waaa, he s cute(h)) a: (he ll guide us to the main shikigami) s: (heee, amazing. you re just like Machi-nee) 169 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- s: (but...) (I ve never seen machi-nee doing that weird rituals before...?) a: (?) [She put a fake manual completed with pranks on places where ayane would find easily (the truth is she only have to put the card on the forehead)] c: (that s Ayane-san's shikigami) y: (ah, the one who get delighted whenever stepped into or punched) me: (blush) (eeh!! Ayane-nee-sama has a maniac hobby like that!?) r: (aaw, I cant stand this anymore, Chikage and co are walking so slowly...) shi: (hey hey patience is what we needed in tailing someone) a: (looks like Rin is nearby after all) s: (be careful not to be found by them Ayane) a: (I dont want to be lectured by you for that!!) ?1: (what are they doing...?) ?2: (hmmm I really dont know, but it s so uncanny it seems that we cant get close to them that easily....) 170 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ma: (.....) (I have nothing to do...) macho: (ui) ma: (seem that they cant move now...) (there wont be any new development for awhile...) macho: (ui ui (h)) ma: (and here I thought to show my new shikigami I contracted last night) ?: (gaoo) [he s a "wakemi" too] 171 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ma: (ara, you found Ikuto-sama? | good job(h)) ?: (gaoo(h)) ma: (as expected, he picked the worst lots) (ufufu, poor Ikuto-sama(h)) ?: (gaoo) ma: (oh my, he already completed the east master and now in a battle with south master?) ma: (ufufu teru-teru macho, we ll go to Ikuto-sama's place) macho: (ui ui ui--?) ma: (there wont be any problem, anyhow no one would win this competition as long as they dont capture this) (and it ll be more interesting than just dazing pointlessly here) macho: (ui) 172 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- mi: (ara. someone s there...?) (or is it only my imagination?) mi: (aaa, I m tired walking around like that) (?) (it s so troublesome, I think I d wait everyone here...) mi: (ah) (yes!) mi: (how about making some ambush!!) (I ll make everyone who come here asleep with this medicine...) mi: (that way I ll get my targets easily without any hard work) (and I think I ll have some rest up there until then) 173 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [southern forest] i: (There!!) (I got you!!) meow: [you got the wrong one] i: (whaa!! that s close!!) i: (damn, how can I find the real one from all these fakes!?) meows: (nyan nyan nyaan) 174 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i: (and catching one is this dificult, I cant just catch one by one...) (I have to find a way..) meow: (and when will you let go off me-nyaa) i: (aa, yes, sorry...) i: (nn?) meow: (nya?) i: (hou... | I see...) (if I were right, the south master is...) meow: (nya!?) i: (yes!!) meow: [nya!?] i: (this match is all mine!!) 175 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- meowm: (fufufu... looks like he s planning something-nya...) (but can you catch me the real one?) meowm: (last week when I was asked to do this for the "hunting Competition" I prepared..) (the customs which looks exactly like me...) meowm: (and, I chosed the cats not only from their phisique) (but also the one whose body movement and speed are the fastest ones) meowm: (ufufu(m), this is the hunting competition for the first time in ages) (no choice not to enjoy this-nyaa) 176 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i: (that s not...) (this too) (that one s too...) (!) i: (I FOUND YOU!!) meow: (nya!?) i: (ufufu....) (the real one is...) 177 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i: (YOU!!) meowm: (WHAT THE-nya!?) meowm: (how did you know-nya?) i: (fufufu... your looks are indeed the same...) i: (but your two-tails!!) (the movement of fake tails with the real one is of course different [and they re also a bit on the side]) [fake(it filled with cotton)] [the real one] meowm: (ah!) 178 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i: (it s easy once you know the hang of it) meowm: (uhm, I see. that s the blind spot of mine) meowm : (however that may be, to find the real one from these many fakes when they re moving around at once) (and to put the differences of a litle movement of the tails...) meowm: ( guess that s what I should expected from a guy who get under the guidance of the west master-nya) (ufufu, excelent-nya. you re the winner) i: (yeah!!) meowm: (as with the promise, here is your medal) i: (where did you put that...) meowm: (ah yes yes, I want you to be careful) i: (yes, what is it?) 179 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- meowm: (that s a really weak foothold you re standing right now) i: (eh?) (EEEH!?) i: (waaa!!) meowm: (geez) meowm: (what a pleasant young man, he fell right after I told him to be careful, dont you think so, west master?) meow: [it s not the time for laughing] k: [yup, exactly] i: (AAAAARGH!!) (not a river again!!) meowm: [good luck-nya]

_________________
Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust, The Ninpo Specialist will slice you up.

BTW SMX= St. Michael X
Head Proofreader/QC

That sentence was a lot scarier than you may have intended but it does make sense.
I hope you don't mind if I copy and paste because it would take too long to type it all out again
Anywho,

156:
S: (uu....) (these looks so yummy....)
Change "looks" to "look"

S: (but a litle bit maybe just okay....)
I would use "Just a little won't hurt"

157:
A: (why do you take it when you know it s a trap!!) S: (but but, it looks so delicious)
In Suzu's line, change "it" to "they" and "looks" to "look"

A: (n? that, that rice cakes, you cant be...) S: (yeah, of course this is from those ones) T: (pu!?)
Ayane's line: Change "cakes" to "cake" Suzu's line: I would use "Yeah, of course it's from there/earlier/those"

159:
shizu: (Shino, did you see that!?) shino: (yup, Suzu-ppe and Ayane fell into the trap-hole!!)
Uhh, I don't know about the "-ppe". I think it should be "-san" but I'm lost

shino: (yes, sorry, but Suzu and Ayane are ours)
I would use "Yes, sorry, but they're ours now"

160:
s: (I got you Shizu-chan (h) [you re not my target though])
Should be a " ' " between "you" and "re"

shino: (this s no good, retreat!!)
Change "s" to "is"

a: (cmon Suzu!! quick, get me out of here!! she s my target you know!!)
I would use "Cmon Suzu!! Get me out! She's my target!"

s: (oh really)
Question mark at the end

161:
c: (that one I set just for time like this, trap B grade no. 28)
I would use "The one I set for this occasion, grade B trap no. 28"

t: (28? there re still a lot of them also other than this one...?)
I would use "28? There are more traps like that (one)?"

to: [hard to beat? those two always dont get along together]
I would use "Hard to beat? Those two never get along"

s: (yes, they have a completely exact opposite character)
I would use "Yes, they are exact opposites of each other"

s: (but the opposite things are not only their characters, but also their good point and weakness)
I would use "But their opposites are not just their character, but their strength and weakness"

y: (that d mean when they form a partnership they will cover each weaknesses)
I would use "That means when they team up they cover each other's weakness"

162:
c: (what should we do, Yukino-chan and Mei-mei's are that two and Suzu's ribbon. and, Ohana-san's item is my target)
Something's wrong here, but the "that two" is confusing. I think "Yukino-chan and Mei-mei need those two and Suzu's ribbon, and my target is Ohana-san's (item)" would work

me: (I sense two people and one animal from that bushes around there!)
Change "that" to "those" and take out "around"

163:
to: [but next time they came near, Mei-mei will know it, that time I ll shot them down]
Change "came" to "come" and "shot" to "shoot"

c: (ufufu, what a reliable comrades we had, I m not wrong to get you both in)
I would use "What reliable comrades we have, I wasn't wrong to choose them"

r: (aaa | so you still havent known them, both of them came from the outside just like hubby | and...)
Change "haven't known" to "don't know"

shi: (really!? each of them beat the North Master and East master!?)
Take out "Master" from "North Master"

r: (yup, not only that, Tohno-cchi also said to be able to put up a good fight with Anego)
Change "also said to be able to" to "is also said to"

164:
r: (so they re their bodyguard... I thought it wont be any problem with only Kuma-kuma... | Chikage surely doesnt mmiss a trick)
I would use "So that's their bodyguard...I thought it wouldn't be a problem with Kuma-kuma..." and change "mmiss" to "miss"

shi: (no matter how strong they are, there be a time when they lose their guard |
Change "lose" to "drop"

r: (oo, nice | looks like you could still say things in the ninja way sometimes)
Take out "sometimes"

a: (why you... how dare you throw me away like some garbages!!) s: (you r persistent, I told you we ve succeed in getting Shino-chan's item so it s alright anyway)
Change "garbages" to "garbage" and "succeed" to "succeeded"

165:
s: (lets put the most tough opponent, Machi-nee, as our latest target, next target is either Rin-chan or Shinobu-chan)
Change "latest" to "final"

166:
a: (I m a little nervous...) (here I come!!)
I thought it was "Here I go!!"

a: (first, grab your face as hard as you could...)
Change "could" to "can"

167:
s: (but no problem, both of them will get to sleep at night, that time we ll get them)
Take out "will get to" and change "that time" to "then"

s: (eh... you ll do that weird things again?)
Change "that" to "those"

169:
s: (but...) (I ve never seen machi-nee doing that weird rituals before...?)
Change "that" to "those"

shi: (hey hey patience is what we needed in tailing someone)
I would use "Hey hey patience is needed to trail someone"

s: (be careful not to be found by them Ayane)
I would use "Don't get caught by them Ayane"

a: (I dont want to be lectured by you for that!!)
I would use "Don't lecture me on that!!"

171:
ma: (oh my, he already completed the east master and now in a battle with south master?)
Change "completed" to "beat" and take out "a"

172:
mi: (how about making some ambush!!)
Change "some" to "an"

174:
i: (hou... | I see...) (if I were right, the south master is...)
Change "If I were" to "If I'm"

i: (this match is all mine!!)
Take out "all"

175:
meowm: (fufufu... looks like he s planning something-nya...) (but can you catch me the real one?)
Take out "me the"

177:
i: (but your two-tails!!) (the movement of fake tails with the real one is of course different)
I would use "The movement of the fake tail is different from the real one"

178:
i: (it s easy once you know the hang of it)
Change "know" to "get"

And that's all I could find.

*phew* That felt like a normal proofing job!
...................Uh ohs

Just remember that punctuation and capitalization is also apart of Proofing, so including periods, comma's, and apostrophe's are required in a proofing job here.

Ah yeah. I was going to do that, but I felt the grammar part was more important (because I apparently stuffed that up last time) and I thought those were typos. I mean, it was a LONG sheet of stuff

But thanks for that

Should I go back and fix those or is it fine?

No, I'll let you pass pending on how your first assignment goes. Ill PM you later with more info.

Yay, thank you It'll be nice to kick out of "retirement" again (even if it's short )

hey taporin are you a member of OMF?

Yep. I don't happen to use it much now though (was planning on going back sometime)
Before I spammed the Hayate boards like crazy. Don't know if you saw that but
Yes, I do remember you. Can't remember where on the forums though (sorry).

iam also a spammer in the hayate board. now i remember you.

i only go in OMF if iam in a mood.